Dear Blogging Audience,
When I was little, I struggled with feeling accepted in my immaturity. I didn't think people could really enjoy me when I was acting silly or if I made a mistake. That's just what happens in a broken and fallen world when you are surrounded by people who are broken. From the time I was little, I remember feeling this pressure to get it right or not try, be perfect or stay away. Because I thought that's how people around me perceived me, I pushed that onto God.
I went through a phase in my teenage years where I was afraid to read the bible because I didn't want to read it and not understand it. There were things I wouldn't pray about right away because I felt like I needed to figure it all out. There are times when I feel like I finally catch the hang of things and then, boom, I fall flat on my face again. "Don't look, God!" I always think as I try to figure out what the heck I did wrong. "Just a second, I'll get myself all fixed up in a minute."
I had heard the phrase, "God hates insincerity, not immaturity." and I didn't believe it. How could He really enjoy me if I didn't understand things or figure everything out? I forget that God isn't like man. He isn't like me.
During an assignment where we focused on the Father's Heart, I spent time reading the story of the Prodigal Son. That boy was immature, no question about that, but when he came back to his father he was sincere and his father knew that. I had to really look at my heart and realize I didn't believe that. I didn't believe that God rejoiced and threw a party when I came back from feeding pigs after wasting all of His money.
I can't look a child in the eye and tell them that God is a good Father who rejoices over them if I don't believe that about myself. Sure, I believed He loved me but enjoyed me? No. I wasn't convinced. That's when I began to write down truths in my journal. "Forget what I think." I told myself. "I need to know what is really true."
It was in that time of reading verses, meditating on them and declaring them over myself that my heart began to believe truth.
Love,
Me
When I was little, I struggled with feeling accepted in my immaturity. I didn't think people could really enjoy me when I was acting silly or if I made a mistake. That's just what happens in a broken and fallen world when you are surrounded by people who are broken. From the time I was little, I remember feeling this pressure to get it right or not try, be perfect or stay away. Because I thought that's how people around me perceived me, I pushed that onto God.
I went through a phase in my teenage years where I was afraid to read the bible because I didn't want to read it and not understand it. There were things I wouldn't pray about right away because I felt like I needed to figure it all out. There are times when I feel like I finally catch the hang of things and then, boom, I fall flat on my face again. "Don't look, God!" I always think as I try to figure out what the heck I did wrong. "Just a second, I'll get myself all fixed up in a minute."
I had heard the phrase, "God hates insincerity, not immaturity." and I didn't believe it. How could He really enjoy me if I didn't understand things or figure everything out? I forget that God isn't like man. He isn't like me.
During an assignment where we focused on the Father's Heart, I spent time reading the story of the Prodigal Son. That boy was immature, no question about that, but when he came back to his father he was sincere and his father knew that. I had to really look at my heart and realize I didn't believe that. I didn't believe that God rejoiced and threw a party when I came back from feeding pigs after wasting all of His money.
I can't look a child in the eye and tell them that God is a good Father who rejoices over them if I don't believe that about myself. Sure, I believed He loved me but enjoyed me? No. I wasn't convinced. That's when I began to write down truths in my journal. "Forget what I think." I told myself. "I need to know what is really true."
It was in that time of reading verses, meditating on them and declaring them over myself that my heart began to believe truth.
"Everyday I am beautiful and accepted in my immaturity."Children are immature. That's just how it is. But God wants us to be like them. Another thing about children is that they are sincere. Instead of hiding myself because of something that I think is immaturity inside of me, I can embrace the fact that God is still smiling over me and that He loves my sincerity, no matter how immature it may be.
Love,
Me
