Dear Blog Audience,
As someone who used to struggle with self-hatred I cannot tell you how absolutely freeing it is to dress up and get all pretty and really believe that I am beautiful. I didn't look in the mirror and think, "I wish I was skinnier or taller or tanner or had straighter and whiter teeth...." I looked in the mirror and said, "Wow, God! Look at me! I feel beautiful!"
I love that I have freedom in rejoicing in my femininity. I don't have to get dressed up and have someone do my hair with a thousand bobby-pins but neither do I have to kick-it in my jeans and converse all the time to feel beautiful and comfortable. My skin is my skin and God loves to watch me twirl around in front of the mirror and feel confident. Yes, I did agonize over what I was going to wear and did wonder if the other girls were going to like it but in the end, I decided I didn't have to worry about that. I looked beautiful and I felt comfortable and modest. Me feeling beautiful didn't depend on what the other girls were wearing or whether I was 100% happy with my choice of clothes. It depended on if I listened to that whisper on the inside that said, "I made you. I delight in you. I say you are beautiful. That's all that matters."
When I went to check my make-up in the mirror, I smiled and was drawn to the crinkles around my eyes. I like them. I looked so happy. Yes, my make-up looked awesome, but I loved the joy that I saw. That made me feel beautiful.
The reason why I was all dressed up and primped out was because the sophomore guys of IHOPU were giving the sophomore girls of IHOPU a special luncheon to honor us as their classmates. Usually me in a room full of beautiful young ladies that are dolled up and dressed to the nine's would have me comparing everyone and everything. I'd be calculating everything that they didn't compliment me on and wonder why they didn't. But not today. I walked in and immediately had several girls all say, "Baylea, you look beautiful!" and I believed them. They were gorgeous and had such cute dresses and earrings and were all glowing and I could say back, "You look beautiful too!" I meant it and felt joy in saying it to them! If I had not felt beautiful, I would have sucked in all of their compliments and not handed them out because of insecurity. What a wonderful gift to be free of the insecurities. Not only did I feel honored by the guys, but I felt honored by the girls too in how they complimented me truly and were confident in their own beauty.
What a gift to be free to enjoy the skin God gave me. To look at my hands and feet and stomach and face and thank God for them! It's been a journey because I don't look like what I was told beautiful was. But beauty isn't what I see. I can't define it. I don't even know what True Beauty looks like. But I know that loving how God made me makes me feel like the coolest person in the world no matter what I'm wearing or what anybody says to me. God's heart for me and for my generation is not to despise our bodies and how we look. He made us to be comfortable with our arms and legs and front sides and back sides and use them to glorify Him. Just loving our bodies in a healthy way is an act of worship and is a way of thanking Him.
Love,
Me
As someone who used to struggle with self-hatred I cannot tell you how absolutely freeing it is to dress up and get all pretty and really believe that I am beautiful. I didn't look in the mirror and think, "I wish I was skinnier or taller or tanner or had straighter and whiter teeth...." I looked in the mirror and said, "Wow, God! Look at me! I feel beautiful!"
I love that I have freedom in rejoicing in my femininity. I don't have to get dressed up and have someone do my hair with a thousand bobby-pins but neither do I have to kick-it in my jeans and converse all the time to feel beautiful and comfortable. My skin is my skin and God loves to watch me twirl around in front of the mirror and feel confident. Yes, I did agonize over what I was going to wear and did wonder if the other girls were going to like it but in the end, I decided I didn't have to worry about that. I looked beautiful and I felt comfortable and modest. Me feeling beautiful didn't depend on what the other girls were wearing or whether I was 100% happy with my choice of clothes. It depended on if I listened to that whisper on the inside that said, "I made you. I delight in you. I say you are beautiful. That's all that matters."
When I went to check my make-up in the mirror, I smiled and was drawn to the crinkles around my eyes. I like them. I looked so happy. Yes, my make-up looked awesome, but I loved the joy that I saw. That made me feel beautiful.
The reason why I was all dressed up and primped out was because the sophomore guys of IHOPU were giving the sophomore girls of IHOPU a special luncheon to honor us as their classmates. Usually me in a room full of beautiful young ladies that are dolled up and dressed to the nine's would have me comparing everyone and everything. I'd be calculating everything that they didn't compliment me on and wonder why they didn't. But not today. I walked in and immediately had several girls all say, "Baylea, you look beautiful!" and I believed them. They were gorgeous and had such cute dresses and earrings and were all glowing and I could say back, "You look beautiful too!" I meant it and felt joy in saying it to them! If I had not felt beautiful, I would have sucked in all of their compliments and not handed them out because of insecurity. What a wonderful gift to be free of the insecurities. Not only did I feel honored by the guys, but I felt honored by the girls too in how they complimented me truly and were confident in their own beauty.
What a gift to be free to enjoy the skin God gave me. To look at my hands and feet and stomach and face and thank God for them! It's been a journey because I don't look like what I was told beautiful was. But beauty isn't what I see. I can't define it. I don't even know what True Beauty looks like. But I know that loving how God made me makes me feel like the coolest person in the world no matter what I'm wearing or what anybody says to me. God's heart for me and for my generation is not to despise our bodies and how we look. He made us to be comfortable with our arms and legs and front sides and back sides and use them to glorify Him. Just loving our bodies in a healthy way is an act of worship and is a way of thanking Him.
Love,
Me
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