Hello Blogging Audience,
I've been planning on writing this afternoon for a while. This past week was busy with a two week training course I am taking and this afternoon is the first break in a very fast paced schedule since last Sunday. I was so excited, I was going to blog all about this, that and the other thing that God spoke to me about. And then today actually happened...
Guys, my body hurts so much right now. My left knee is swollen, my hands hurt, my hips are in excruciating pain while walking, my feet have been swelling and even my ankles were complaining as I walked to class [at 7:30] this morning. Why? Probably a combination of things. Tired, stressed, ate too much fruit, walked to class and back every day.
In just 6 days I'm supposed to be on a plane flying to my best friend to help her get married to her best friend. I've been waiting for this for months and now it's just around the corner and I'm laying here on my bed unable to stop this pain. Right now I don't want to think about flying or suitcases or traveling, I just want to sleep. I know my body well enough to know that by next Friday I'll feel like a new person and be walking 6 inches off of the ground from excitement as I get on that air plane and fly to the west coast. But when I'm feeling so old and crippled and trapped, it's hard to imagine that, even if just a few days ago I felt 90% fine.
I'm not writing this in a complaining manner, I'm trying to just give a little picture into what my life is like some days. I lay on my bed, usually with my computer, ask God for healing and try to find a way to distract myself from the pain and not have a pity party.
When I was younger, my mom's cousin [whom I lovingly refer to as my "aunt"] sent me a birthday card and inside of it told me that she had seen Arthritis turn so many people angry and bitter and she was glad that it hadn't affected me like that. I often think of that card when I feel like giving into whining and sulking and trying to say how unfair it is. All that does is cripple my emotions like my body is crippled.
Some friends of mine used to call me "Sunshine." I loved it. I love being a positive, smiling face in someone's life, being able to brighten their day simply because I refused to give into self-pity. I get to laugh and smile and enjoy little things because I'm not letting this pain rule my emotions. It's not my joy that I have on the inside, my joy is so weak and fragile, quickly lost in the cares and disappointments of this world. No, the joy that I carry on the inside comes with knowing that no matter what, I am Jesus' favorite. Pain or no pain, He adores me in ways I don't even know exist. Because of that, I can smile. I can be known as "Sunshine." Yes, a girl with a chronic illness can be full of joy and completely satisfied, because whether you are sick in your body or you are healthy your whole life, no one is truly satisfied outside of Jesus.
I have Jesus, therefore, I have joy.
Love,
Me
I've been planning on writing this afternoon for a while. This past week was busy with a two week training course I am taking and this afternoon is the first break in a very fast paced schedule since last Sunday. I was so excited, I was going to blog all about this, that and the other thing that God spoke to me about. And then today actually happened...
Guys, my body hurts so much right now. My left knee is swollen, my hands hurt, my hips are in excruciating pain while walking, my feet have been swelling and even my ankles were complaining as I walked to class [at 7:30] this morning. Why? Probably a combination of things. Tired, stressed, ate too much fruit, walked to class and back every day.
In just 6 days I'm supposed to be on a plane flying to my best friend to help her get married to her best friend. I've been waiting for this for months and now it's just around the corner and I'm laying here on my bed unable to stop this pain. Right now I don't want to think about flying or suitcases or traveling, I just want to sleep. I know my body well enough to know that by next Friday I'll feel like a new person and be walking 6 inches off of the ground from excitement as I get on that air plane and fly to the west coast. But when I'm feeling so old and crippled and trapped, it's hard to imagine that, even if just a few days ago I felt 90% fine.
I'm not writing this in a complaining manner, I'm trying to just give a little picture into what my life is like some days. I lay on my bed, usually with my computer, ask God for healing and try to find a way to distract myself from the pain and not have a pity party.
When I was younger, my mom's cousin [whom I lovingly refer to as my "aunt"] sent me a birthday card and inside of it told me that she had seen Arthritis turn so many people angry and bitter and she was glad that it hadn't affected me like that. I often think of that card when I feel like giving into whining and sulking and trying to say how unfair it is. All that does is cripple my emotions like my body is crippled.
Some friends of mine used to call me "Sunshine." I loved it. I love being a positive, smiling face in someone's life, being able to brighten their day simply because I refused to give into self-pity. I get to laugh and smile and enjoy little things because I'm not letting this pain rule my emotions. It's not my joy that I have on the inside, my joy is so weak and fragile, quickly lost in the cares and disappointments of this world. No, the joy that I carry on the inside comes with knowing that no matter what, I am Jesus' favorite. Pain or no pain, He adores me in ways I don't even know exist. Because of that, I can smile. I can be known as "Sunshine." Yes, a girl with a chronic illness can be full of joy and completely satisfied, because whether you are sick in your body or you are healthy your whole life, no one is truly satisfied outside of Jesus.
I have Jesus, therefore, I have joy.
Love,
Me
Just the joy that I see in your life encourages me. Every now and then you pop into my thoughts <3
ReplyDeletebtw this is Korah (dont want you creeped out hehe)
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