So faithful. So kind.

Hello blogging audience,

Have you ever thought that something was going to happen and you were so sure of it you set all of your hopes on it? And then it didn't happen? And then you're left with all the fragmented pieces of a promise that you thought was coming to pass and your disappointed hopes? Questions, tears, confusion, fears, frustrations, complications, back-tracking, side-tracking, emotional roller coaster and defeat deflate your balloon of dreams.

So sad. So, so sad.

At least, I should be. Right? Because I believed with all my heart that XYZ was gonna happen. I truly had it written in my journals and on my heart and in my songs and almost in my bible. But... It never happened. More than one, actually. Why didn't it happen? Was I just so wrong in hearing from the LORD? What if it was all just me anyways and my own agenda? The things are good things that I know will come to pass. One day. I just thought that "one day" was going to be... last month.

There's a song that fed my soul in the last few days of May while I struggled with the fact that X, Y and Z were all still incomplete, nonexistent, and no where to be found. The song is by Rachel Culver (don't know if she wrote it but she is just that awesome that I'm assuming that she did.)  and whenever she sings it my heart sings with her in full agreement.

The part that always gets me is the chorus that says, "You're so faithful, You're so kind." over and over again. I can't help but let my heart melt into a puddle of love for Jesus as I think about how faithful God is to my heart, my life and my calling. The last two years have been a lot about surrendering and just having to trust God that His way was perfect. I just had to trust that He was leading me in the right way as I let go of comforts and friends and family members and countries and dreams and pain and bitterness and fears and misconceptions. Now I'm seeing the fruit of the surrendering. I'm seeing the blessings and rewards that I wouldn't have gotten had I held onto the things instead of letting go and choosing God. What a wonderfully faithful, loving God!

As the month of May ended I threw up my hands and sang, "My times are in Your hands! My times are in Your hands! My times are in Your hands! I trust You! I trust You!" Even though things didn't go as I thought they would last month, I woke up on June 1st and I was bubbling with joy. IN THE MORNING! Before I even got out of bed!! And you know what, I still have that joy 8 days later. I don't know what God has planned for me but I know that as I continue to trust Him and surrender my expectations and ideas, I'll get something so much more glorious. He is bigger and wiser and able to do so much more than I can!

I don't know if my joy is contagious but if you're smiling by the end of this blog I win!

Love,
Me

P,S.

I have a daughter. She's a redhead. And she's awesome. That's all. Hahaha. ^_^ Love you, Natalee!