hello blogging audience,
Today in school, the teacher brought up free-will and predestination. It threw me off because the last time I'd really heard anyone discuss the topic of whether God had ordered every single action of every single person for every single second or if God didn't know everything because He allowed us our own choices was when I was 19 years old. It also happened to be the first time I'd heard anyone bring it up. At first I was stunned. How could God not know everything? I wondered. I don't think I like this topic. So I decided to believe what I'd always believed (that God knew everything) and forget about the predestination title. I didn't search it out, I didn't want to search it out, I didn't want someone else to search it out and tell me about it, I just wanted my disrupted thoughts to be placed back on the shelves of what I believed in and left alone. And until today, that's exactly what happened.
Thankfully, I've grown quite a bit in my faith and my knowledge of the scriptures since that first day I heard my friends talking about predestination vs. free-will so I didn't freak out quite so much. In fact, during the break I was talking to my friends about it and I found it comforting that none of us really knew what to believe because there seemed to be so many scriptures that came to mind that pointed to both views. After class I drove over to the prayer room so I could be with the Lord and try to wrestle through the notes from class. Sometimes when I can't figure out what I'm feeling or thinking, I sing and I find it brings clarity a lot quicker than trying to talk. Plus in a song, my thoughts tend to lead to more thoughts that I didn't even know that I had. So that's what I did as I drove, I sang. Some of the words that came out of my mouth surprised me because not only did they answer some of the questions, they also showed me that some of the questions didn't even need to be answered. Here's a sneak peak of my journal from after class...
Jan 31st, 2012
Jono's class was very... controversial in some ways today. Talking about Predestination and Free-Will. I don't even know how it all works but I 100% believe that Jesus/Father/Holy Spirit is omniscient and knows everything. But I also know that God moves because of prayer and offers us the chance to receive mercy in place of judgment and relates to us personally in a real, loving, inside-of-time way. We have free will yet God has appointed a time and an hour for Jesus to come back in response to a generation raising up as intercessors that beckon Him to come home. Jesus was slain before the foundation of the world yet do Free-Will theists [or whatever they are called] believe that God knew Adam would sin? I can't reject either one and I think God likes it that way. I don't have to have someone explain it. I can trust my Heavenly Father. Whether He did pre-determine everything or not. His heart is for me and I trust Him.
...I love that I can trust my Heavenly Father even when I don't always understand His ways or I get thrown off by man. Maybe Jono is right. Maybe no one is right. Me loving God and knowing He is worthy doesn't hinge on whether I understand everything in the bible or not. I want to understand but how can I expect to fully understand when I am so much lower than the One I am trying to know? My mind just can't even go there. Regardless, I will worship. I will set my heart to press further into the heart of God. I know it is for me. He is delighted to share Himself with me...
One of the phrases that came out of my mouth while I was singing was, "Your attributes don't contradict one another but they will offend our hearts." and that thought struck me. I realized that there are so many things about God that man tries to understand and explain and define and teach about when really, how can we know? Maybe both Predestination and Free-Will are wrong. Maybe I'm just in my own camp all by myself and don't really know what I'm doing. Whatever it is, one thing does not change: God is worthy of my praise and my adoration, even when I get offended at some of the things that I find as I seek Him out. Who is man that we can tell Him how to act and who He is? I love that He delights to show us glimpses of His character and nature and that my love for Him increases through those glimpses, but I have to keep in mind, they are only glimpses and I must not think that I know God completely because of them.
Oh, the life of a bible college student.
Love,
Me
Today in school, the teacher brought up free-will and predestination. It threw me off because the last time I'd really heard anyone discuss the topic of whether God had ordered every single action of every single person for every single second or if God didn't know everything because He allowed us our own choices was when I was 19 years old. It also happened to be the first time I'd heard anyone bring it up. At first I was stunned. How could God not know everything? I wondered. I don't think I like this topic. So I decided to believe what I'd always believed (that God knew everything) and forget about the predestination title. I didn't search it out, I didn't want to search it out, I didn't want someone else to search it out and tell me about it, I just wanted my disrupted thoughts to be placed back on the shelves of what I believed in and left alone. And until today, that's exactly what happened.
Thankfully, I've grown quite a bit in my faith and my knowledge of the scriptures since that first day I heard my friends talking about predestination vs. free-will so I didn't freak out quite so much. In fact, during the break I was talking to my friends about it and I found it comforting that none of us really knew what to believe because there seemed to be so many scriptures that came to mind that pointed to both views. After class I drove over to the prayer room so I could be with the Lord and try to wrestle through the notes from class. Sometimes when I can't figure out what I'm feeling or thinking, I sing and I find it brings clarity a lot quicker than trying to talk. Plus in a song, my thoughts tend to lead to more thoughts that I didn't even know that I had. So that's what I did as I drove, I sang. Some of the words that came out of my mouth surprised me because not only did they answer some of the questions, they also showed me that some of the questions didn't even need to be answered. Here's a sneak peak of my journal from after class...
Jan 31st, 2012
Jono's class was very... controversial in some ways today. Talking about Predestination and Free-Will. I don't even know how it all works but I 100% believe that Jesus/Father/Holy Spirit is omniscient and knows everything. But I also know that God moves because of prayer and offers us the chance to receive mercy in place of judgment and relates to us personally in a real, loving, inside-of-time way. We have free will yet God has appointed a time and an hour for Jesus to come back in response to a generation raising up as intercessors that beckon Him to come home. Jesus was slain before the foundation of the world yet do Free-Will theists [or whatever they are called] believe that God knew Adam would sin? I can't reject either one and I think God likes it that way. I don't have to have someone explain it. I can trust my Heavenly Father. Whether He did pre-determine everything or not. His heart is for me and I trust Him.
...I love that I can trust my Heavenly Father even when I don't always understand His ways or I get thrown off by man. Maybe Jono is right. Maybe no one is right. Me loving God and knowing He is worthy doesn't hinge on whether I understand everything in the bible or not. I want to understand but how can I expect to fully understand when I am so much lower than the One I am trying to know? My mind just can't even go there. Regardless, I will worship. I will set my heart to press further into the heart of God. I know it is for me. He is delighted to share Himself with me...
One of the phrases that came out of my mouth while I was singing was, "Your attributes don't contradict one another but they will offend our hearts." and that thought struck me. I realized that there are so many things about God that man tries to understand and explain and define and teach about when really, how can we know? Maybe both Predestination and Free-Will are wrong. Maybe I'm just in my own camp all by myself and don't really know what I'm doing. Whatever it is, one thing does not change: God is worthy of my praise and my adoration, even when I get offended at some of the things that I find as I seek Him out. Who is man that we can tell Him how to act and who He is? I love that He delights to show us glimpses of His character and nature and that my love for Him increases through those glimpses, but I have to keep in mind, they are only glimpses and I must not think that I know God completely because of them.
Oh, the life of a bible college student.
Love,
Me
I love this because I feel like so many times we try to put God in a box that we can understand. We try to understand Him fully, but what a relief it is when we realize we never will, and that that is how He wants it! :)
ReplyDeleteIt really was a comforting thought to know that my teacher didn't have the final say in what God was like. He has a lot of knowledge but ultimately I have to believe in what God has revealed to me through His word and in my life.
DeleteAmen!!
Delete