Dear Blog Audience,
I happened to find a Lifetime movie on youtube Wednesday night while I was babysitting and passing time while the kids were asleep. It was called, "The Pregnancy Pact" and it was based on these teenage girls in high school that all promised to get pregnant with their friend. It was hard to watch because of the whole abstinence vs. let's just give them birth control and the "they're going to do it anyways, let's just try to keep babies from coming from this." type of stance. I know this is the mind set of most of the western world. I was very glad that abortion was not a main message in the film. But what I got out of it (besides an overwhelming desire to be a mother again) was the loneliness all of those teenagers had. All the emptiness and constant striving to fill those deep wells within us that cry to be filled. All four of those girls wanted to have babies because, I believe, they thought that being a mom would fulfill them. So far, they had come up empty from each endeavor to fill their hearts. No boy or family or school or friend or party or experience had filled them. But a baby.... A baby loves unconditionally! A baby wouldn't care if they finished school or not! A baby would be the perfect thing to fill their empty holes.
The movie showed one girl struggling to take care of her baby. The main character, however, seemed to turn into a wonderful mom but she realized the weight of her actions when she caused her family humiliation and lost her boyfriend, the father of her baby. There was so much drama. So many hurt people hurting other people who tried to fix the problems but just ended up hurting even more.
At first I was like, "My goodness, American teenagers are so messed up these days!" But then I realized, I had had those same aches and longings and loneliness. I can't tell you how many times as a teenager and even as a young adult I tried to fill the void with entertainment, guys, friends, circumstances, fantasies etc. The only difference between me and those four girls is that Jesus hedged me in and protected me. He gave me parents that gave me boundaries and friends that also embraced purity. For me, I wasn't surrounded by people who were "doing it", I was in a group of friends that all joined the, "I'm waiting for wild, passionate, awkward, honey-moon sex" group on facebook. If not for those factors, I am very certain that I, too, could have been a teenage mother who was still just as empty and still just as hurting as she had been before she had her baby.
I got done watching it and as I thought about how it made me feel I just started thanking God for His mercy that led me to a place in my life where I consciously realized that Jesus really does satisfy and that He WAS satisfying my heart. No husband, child, house, country, friend, job, title or amount of money can ever match this feeling of confidence that I have in my Father to fill these deep wells inside of my heart. Even as a Christian teenager, I was empty because I was looking for something to fill me that had nothing in and of itself to give me. Only when I went to the Source of all things, did I find what I needed. Unless you find that Fountain of Living Water, you'll always get thirsty again.
If you guys are wondering where watching movies on youtube fit into my movie fast.... they don't. And I've been realizing how I've been feeding my flesh more. It's not that I have to give up movies. I really really really want to! I want to spend this year undistracted by the entertainment of this world. I really desire that. However, I'm realizing I need more grace. I'm willing to struggle through this because in the end, it's going to be worth it.
Love,
Me
I happened to find a Lifetime movie on youtube Wednesday night while I was babysitting and passing time while the kids were asleep. It was called, "The Pregnancy Pact" and it was based on these teenage girls in high school that all promised to get pregnant with their friend. It was hard to watch because of the whole abstinence vs. let's just give them birth control and the "they're going to do it anyways, let's just try to keep babies from coming from this." type of stance. I know this is the mind set of most of the western world. I was very glad that abortion was not a main message in the film. But what I got out of it (besides an overwhelming desire to be a mother again) was the loneliness all of those teenagers had. All the emptiness and constant striving to fill those deep wells within us that cry to be filled. All four of those girls wanted to have babies because, I believe, they thought that being a mom would fulfill them. So far, they had come up empty from each endeavor to fill their hearts. No boy or family or school or friend or party or experience had filled them. But a baby.... A baby loves unconditionally! A baby wouldn't care if they finished school or not! A baby would be the perfect thing to fill their empty holes.
The movie showed one girl struggling to take care of her baby. The main character, however, seemed to turn into a wonderful mom but she realized the weight of her actions when she caused her family humiliation and lost her boyfriend, the father of her baby. There was so much drama. So many hurt people hurting other people who tried to fix the problems but just ended up hurting even more.
At first I was like, "My goodness, American teenagers are so messed up these days!" But then I realized, I had had those same aches and longings and loneliness. I can't tell you how many times as a teenager and even as a young adult I tried to fill the void with entertainment, guys, friends, circumstances, fantasies etc. The only difference between me and those four girls is that Jesus hedged me in and protected me. He gave me parents that gave me boundaries and friends that also embraced purity. For me, I wasn't surrounded by people who were "doing it", I was in a group of friends that all joined the, "I'm waiting for wild, passionate, awkward, honey-moon sex" group on facebook. If not for those factors, I am very certain that I, too, could have been a teenage mother who was still just as empty and still just as hurting as she had been before she had her baby.
I got done watching it and as I thought about how it made me feel I just started thanking God for His mercy that led me to a place in my life where I consciously realized that Jesus really does satisfy and that He WAS satisfying my heart. No husband, child, house, country, friend, job, title or amount of money can ever match this feeling of confidence that I have in my Father to fill these deep wells inside of my heart. Even as a Christian teenager, I was empty because I was looking for something to fill me that had nothing in and of itself to give me. Only when I went to the Source of all things, did I find what I needed. Unless you find that Fountain of Living Water, you'll always get thirsty again.
If you guys are wondering where watching movies on youtube fit into my movie fast.... they don't. And I've been realizing how I've been feeding my flesh more. It's not that I have to give up movies. I really really really want to! I want to spend this year undistracted by the entertainment of this world. I really desire that. However, I'm realizing I need more grace. I'm willing to struggle through this because in the end, it's going to be worth it.
Love,
Me
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