Romans 12.

Dear Blogging Audience,

This morning I flipped my bible open to read John 14 and 15 because that is where I automatically turn to when I want to mediate on something. But instead my bible opened to Romans chapter 12. I stopped and decided that re-reading what used to be my favorite chapter in the bible could be a good idea. In light of the Justice Fellowship starting tomorrow, this was the perfect scripture to feed on.

As I read about offering myself as a living sacrifice because of God's mercy toward me, I realized how much more I need that mercy than I did when I first read it years ago. His mercy is so great. So needed. I've been so blind, so weak, so cold, and so proud. But God has mercy on me and leads me so faithfully and so gently. How can I do anything less than lay myself down as a living sacrifice for Him? This is true worship. I long to worship him truly. My heart's desire is to be a true worshiper and from this verse, I know what that looks like- complete surrender. Letting the renewing of my mind effect my thoughts and actions. Allowing the Holy Spirit to keep transforming me as I gaze on Jesus. Wasting my life on the Lover of my Soul.
My favorite verse from the passage is [still] verse 9.

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.

In a society where so many people are loving what is evil and letting their innocence be stripped from them, this is not a popular view on life. How do you hate what is evil when it is in every form of entertainment and part of our daily lives? How do you cling to what is good? Do you stand on your soap box and try your hardest to stay above those that are below you? But how do you sincerely love someone if you're constantly trying to stay above them in an attempt to cling to good things?
I'm thinking about all the different people I'm going to be meeting in these next few months. There are going to be broken people, angry people, bitter and depressed people. There will be people who had their innocence taken from them and people who gave it away. I am still going to have to really love others, hate evil and cling to what is good. I am going to have to cling to Jesus. I am going to have keep my heart alive. I am going to have to keep my heart tender. My love must be sincere.
This is why it is so important to never be lacking in zeal and to never lose my passion for Jesus. It is so easy to love what is evil when my spirit is dull and it's impossible to really love someone when I am not  keeping my heart connected to The Vine. Loving others comes out of loving Jesus. I can't be joyful in hope, patient in affliction or faithful in prayer without zeal for serving God. The moment I let my heart become dull, I don't see the mercy God is pouring out on me. All I can think about is how uncomfortable it is to lay down my life as a living sacrifice. I don't see the reward in clinging to what is good when everyone tells me that I am being foolish. I can't love well, practice hospitality or share in someone else's joy or sorrow without my heart being alive.
The subject of humility is all over in this chapter. Not just surrendering to God but being a part of the body of Christ, serving them and preferring them above myself. Being devoted in love to my brothers and sisters requires humility and having a heart to go low. Blessing those who persecute me requires me to find my identity in God and God alone, laying down every single right and resting in the fact that I have a Righteous Judge. When I am confident in who God says I am and I have my heart set on going low, that's when I can truly rejoice with someone who is rejoicing. That is when I can truly mourn with someone who is mourning, no matter how I feel. I can associate with people that the world looks down on- the orphan, the widow, the foreigner, the homeless, the sick, the prostitute. I cannot remember God's great mercy toward me and think I am superior.

The last verse is something my mother told me almost every time I left the house to go hang out with friends. She said it to my older brother, she said it to my little sister and there will come a day when my little brothers will hear it too.

Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

As I start my Fellowship, this is exactly what I will be doing; overcoming evil with good. I'm going to be loving those that have been rejected, I will be listening to the voiceless, I will be speaking truth over those that those who are bound by lies, I will be bringing awareness of those who are ignored.
This is impossible unless I remember God's mercy, I surrender my life to Him as a living sacrifice, I go low, I keep my heart alive and I cling to Jesus' goodness.

Love,
Me

 

Journey of Love

Who is this Beautiful Man?

The One who is shining like the sun.

His eyes are burning with passion and glowing with meekness.

His hands are scarred.

His side pierced.

His voice like the sound of thunder and the sound of a waterfall.

Who is this Beautiful Man?

This One that is clothed in light.

His countenance is majestic and humble.

His mouth is sweet.

Nothing but truth comes from Him.

From His heart, His mouth, His mind.

Such a radiant peace shines from His frame. 

Love overflows from His smile.

Joy pours from His heart.

Who is this Beautiful Man?

So different from every other man I've ever known.

When I look at Him I feel alive.

His passion for me stirs passion for Him and I cannot stay silent.

His feet run over mountains, through the wilderness, across the valleys.

I must follow Him!

Please, Let me stay with You!

My heart cries out.

Don't leave me here without Your beauty.

Your love.

Your peace.

Your safety.

I know that running over the mountains of life with You would be better than being here without You.

I know that following You into the season of loss and solitude is better than being here without You.

I know that finding You in choosing humility is better than being here without You.

Your beauty has touched something inside.

Something I didn't even know I had.

The deepest longing I have ever felt in my life is now awakened.

The strongest passion that my heart can handle.

A desire that surpasses that of ordinary love.

No.

This is Real Love.

Come back, oh Beautiful Man! 

You alone have the words of life!

You alone speak comfort to my soul.

You alone can calm the raging fears in my heart.

I see You!

You're looking in at me.

Your eyes are blazing, I can feel the heat.

Your face is shining, it's piercing the darkness around me.

Your hand is pressed against the window pane and I see, once again, the mark of love on Your palm.

"It was for you." 

I hear the whisper and my heart skips a beat.

"It was all for love."

Love is awakening inside of me.

"My desire for you carried me through to the end."

No one has ever loved like this man.

If I stay and He goes, I will surely die without Him.

Stay with me!

I cry.

"I cannot stay."

The voice breaks my heart. 

So tender.

So solemn.

I look around and realize that there is nothing of comfort that is worth keeping and losing Him for.

No friend, family, possession, position, house or plan.

Suddenly, I know what I must do.

Nothing can keep me here away from that Beautiful man!

Nothing!

I must leave all behind.

I must take the way of the cross.

I must take the way of suffering.

There is a whisper in my heart that knows a blessed hope.

This hope is that no pain in this life will be worse than the exchange of glory the next life will give me.

I choose You!

My heart finds freedom in the declaration.

I will run!

But wait... Where are You?

My heart aches.

The emptiness threatens to crush me.

My soul lay lifeless.

Giver of life, come back to me.

I can barely lift my voice. 

"Come away!"

An echo reaches me and I know who it is.

It is the Beautiful Man.

There is no question in my heart as I leave my comfort.

I leave all things familiar.

I let go of what I earned.

Nothing compares to that echo that is drawing me out.

All flesh is grass!

I know this world is not my home.

Even the days of my life are but a shadow in the infinitude of eternity.

Home?

Where is home?

"Come away!"

Suddenly, I know.

My home is with Him.

Here.

There.

He is my inheritance.

My portion.

My reward.

A small door is in front of me and I know the Beautiful Man is on the other side.

"Come away!"

His voice is louder.

I cannot get through the door any other way than to leave everything behind.

I say yes and push through.

Suddenly, He is there!

His eyes, His hands, His face, His beauty.

My soul drinks deeply of this Man.

Peace surrounds me, Love carries me, Joy fills me, Hope guides me.

On the mountains of life.

In the wilderness.

Deep in the valleys of humility where I am alone.

Soon my eyes will blaze like His eyes.

Soon my heart will overflow with love.

My face will shine.

My thoughts and words will be truth. 

Soon.

On the day when my faith is made sight.

On the day when my clay pot bursts to reveal the glory that is placed in me.

No more mirrors.

No more shadows.

Real Love.

Face to face.

Draw me away!

You have been faithful to my heart.

Draw me away!

Nothing compares to You.

Draw me away!

I want to be like you. 

Just like you.

Come, Beautiful Man. Come home.